Fellas, Is Ordering Dessert "A Female Thing To Do Fr"?

There is so much to breakdown in so few tweets here, so let's just go point by point.

1. Ordering dessert is a female thing to do - Well. That's something, right there. "Jealousy and enjoying cheesecake, that's a female trait." - Jay-Z feat. lyssa ms. aquafinaa. But you know what? I see where she's coming from. Now don't get me wrong, it's completely absurd and if I want a dessert I'm gonna eat a fucking dessert, but there's definitely something a bit dainty about them. The spoon is smaller, it's got little fruits on the side to trick you into thinking there's something even remotely healthy about it, you put the dish in the middle and everyone has a taste just like they do with your girlfriend you little cuck. There are certainly stereotypically feminine aspects at play, I just don't give a fuck about them. But you see, this is how hard life is for heterosexual men. Buncha dudes walking around their whole lives worried if enjoying things means they're gay because it's what people yell at us as kids. Hey dude, you like dick? No? Then you're not gay Frank, enjoy your sorbet,

Also this doesn't really affect me because I typically don't care for dessert. I always forget to eat a lot of the day so when I sit down I'm ravenous and eat my meal like a feral child who was just found in some German woods. I eat in two seconds then I'm bored to still be sitting. I just want to get the fuck out of there once I've had what I came for. I'll grab a bag of M&Ms and some Sour Patch Kids as we walk to a bar for a night cap. Like a MAN.

2. Fuck ALLLLL the way off with the appetizer shit. Appetizers are the meal. As I just mentioned, when I sit down at a restaurant I'm a slow-walking waiter away from dying of famine, so I order everything. I'm good for ordering three or four appetizers myself "to share" and then kinda picking at three while staring at the fourth pick of the draft and wondering why I felt like I needed a bruschetta. She's right, men eat MEALS and I order four of them every dinner. 

3. "You can just taste some of whatever I ordered." NO. NO I CAN'T! THAT'S AGAINST THE RULES! That's such a girl line of thinking, "just eat some of my food." That's your food! You ordered it! I will eat the food I ordered because that's the food I want! This is why girls are always saying they don't want anything and asking if they can have a taste. You don't want to "look" fat and get a lot of food? GET OVER IT! I'm balls deep in my gay appetizers and me and my lover don't to be disturbed.

4. "You look sassy orderin a spinach dip." That's hilarious. Touche, lyssa ms aquafinna. But I fuckin' love spinach and artichoke dip and I eat it like the sassy bitch I am.

PS - Shoutout the teacher who taught me "desert and dessert are different, you always want two desserts that's how you know it's the one with 2 s's." I'll never forget you, even though I did forget your name.